Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Issues...I Always Seem to Have Issues...

So much for not being behind...

I was only temporarily making progress, and have since not achieved much of anything. I couldn't seem to motivate myself to write or even begin to write a short story to post in the "booth" for writing class. I obviously haven't been posting here, nor have I written in my personal hand-written journal more recently than I've posted here.

I was beginning to doubt my desire to write at all, but I believe this lapse in interest was a result of my health and/or medicines I am taking for MS. I lost interest in most everything, not just my writing. I talked with my neurologist's P.A. who said the extra fatigue I've had since starting the Cell Cept is greater than usual but should tone down as my body grows accustomed to the medicine.

This seems to be happening, as I've been able to keep more normal waking hours the last week or two and sleep only at night. I also discussed my change in moods and levels of interest in activities I normally enjoy and he decided that I should go back to the full dose of Effexor, a choice I am less than thrilled with but also ok with as long as it keeps me feeling human and not despondent.

Until I go pick up the new script for Effexor I've been taking the full dose of what I have, which is less than the new script will be for but more than I had been taking as I was trying to phase it out so that I wasn't dependent on mood-altering drugs (as my aunt calls them). I already feel better, happier, and more interested in life in general.

As much as this disease has physically handicapped me I believe the mental strain is tougher than the physical. I'm not fond of being so forgetful of recent events, nor do I like the depression associated with MS or it's treatments. As much as I don't like needing drugs to keep me happy I'll live with them if they give me some of the energy/desire to live as normal of a life as I can. The forgetfulness I suppose everyone gets for one reason or another, sooner or later.

Meanwhile, to see what I can do about my writing. I think perhaps I have blocked the writer in me by being unwilling to produce anything less than brilliant. I'm somewhat comforted by that, as it seems very typical of a writer...

3 comments:

LISA EMRICH said...

Sammie,

I'm not an accomplished writer and work hard to get at least two pieces up a week. It does seem that an up-down flow is common with folks who really have a passion for writing. I have no words of advise beyond write when you feel like it, find something else when you don't.

Merry Christmas

Becky said...

Uh...I had something to say, but by the time I got the browser open and the page loaded, I forgot.

Hmm. I'm just old. ;)

Denver Refashionista said...

Well you have a master plan and that seems like a step in the right direction at any rate. I am glad the depression meds are helping you. I started one but a month of physical side effects and no positives made me give it up. Now I still feel rather depressed but I am not anxious to try anything else. The new year will tell...